Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
