if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Who died my cat blue again?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
