Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
