I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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