oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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