I wish I only lived at night.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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