New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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