someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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