I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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