I have demons in me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
