i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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