Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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