Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
