somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
