I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
