so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
