he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
