I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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