I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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