dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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