I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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