Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
