Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
