Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
