Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
