I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
