my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
