what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
