I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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