So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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