I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
