So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
