I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
