All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
