so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
