my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
