Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
