If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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