i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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