im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
