I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
