I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
