last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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