I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I pour the whiskey from now on
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
