My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
