so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
