thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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