It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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