she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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