You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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