I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
