when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
