1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
